Scripture Sunday: Proverbs 31 - Pt II

This week we are continuing our discussion of Proverbs 31.  You can find part I here. 

Proverbs 31: A Wife Of Noble Character

1) She Is Prepared

²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
****
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.

^{Not only does the noble wife work diligently to make sure that her family has plenty, but she also has enough to share.  She also understands the adage of "quality over quantity."  Her family is well dressed, warmly dressed, and well provided for.  She plans ahead for the future so that she is not caught off guard but unexpected circumstances.  How often have I been snowed in for days watching my pantry grow bare and my children grow restless.  With some forethought, I'd have been armed with a full freezer and a big box of activities - whether I needed them or not!}

^{2) She Is Wise} 

 ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

The noble wife is filled with the word of the Lord.  She has asked Him for wisdom, and He has provided.  She does not wag her tongue in gossip, but uses her words to guide and uplift others.  She is not shy, but neither is she haughty.  She has sought the Lord's purpose for her life, and she has made a plan for her days.  I often forget that silence is often the most constructive choice.  I forget that planning and organization can alleviate so much of the stress that I allow to creep into my life.   I need to seek my purpose from the Lord, then weed out the excess in my life - the chatter, the 'stuff', the activities that are draining instead of uplifting. 

3) She Is Praised
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”

The woman who is hard-working and wise, who seeks to build up others and run an organized home - she is praised by those with whom she comes into contact. 

4) She Is Humble
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Isn't it ironic that often the more we try to garner laud for ourselves, the less we endear ourselves to others.  It is in humbling ourselves, before God, before our families, before everyone we meet - in thinking of others before ourselves - that we gain respect in their eyes.  The noble wife knows where her value lies.  She knows that her beauty and glory are found in the Lord, not in her own worth.  And it is this knowledge that makes her truly beautiful.   

Scripture Sunday: Proverbs 31 -Pt I.

Proverbs 31: A Wife Of Noble Character

The next couple weeks I'm deviating a little from my one-verse format and I'm talking about a whole chunk of scripture.  It's a long one, so I'm breaking it into parts.  Proverbs 31 means a lot to me, I contemplate it often, and so I'm going to break it down chunk by chunk.  I'm offering some of my thoughts, though they are in no way meant to be taken as truths or teachings.  Here we go:

1) She Supports Her Husband

^10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

*****

²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

The wife of noble character remember what she is called to do in her marriage vows.  The man is called to love his wife, the wife is called to respect her husband.  This wife supports him in his endeavors, speaks well of him in public, and treats him with submission.  She keeps an organized, efficient home so that he is free to spend his energies on his work.  This is not to say that women cannot work outside the home, or that men cannot stay home with the children.  But the noble wife is the heart of the home.  And what's more, her attitude is one of respect.  She prays instead of nagging.  She uses gentle words instead of arguing.  She speaks well of her husband instead of complaining to her friends.  She ensures that his reputation is protected and that he is free from worry. 

2) She Is Enthusiastic

¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar. 

The noble wife has purpose and accomplishes it with enthusiasm.  She has prayed about the best use of her time, she understands what she is to accomplish, and she sets about it with joy instead of trepidation.  So often it is easy to feel purposeless, or to feel that the job we have been called to do isn't "good enough."  Sometimes it is hard to be patient in waiting for our next calling.  But the noble wife goes about her tasks, however mundane they may seem, with enthusiasm, seeking to be the best she can be in whatever life stage she faces. 

3) She Accepts Help

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.  

Notice - she has servants.  Yes, she works hard for her family.  She gets up while it is still dark, she makes sure that her family is well fed - but she doesn't work alone.  She has no Supermom delusions.  She delegates and that is how she is able to achieve balance in her life. Of course, we can't all afford to have servants, even if we rise early and work has as she does.  But I think that many of us have a martyr complex when it comes to trying to "do it all."   Learning how to delegate may be one of the single most important skills for a "noble wife" to have.  When you burn out, you're useless.  Take the extra time to teach your kids to clean up their own toys and fix their own snacks.  Middle school children are old enough to wash and fold their own laundry.  Instead of being ashamed if your husband winds up washing a sink-full of dishes or vacuuming the carpet, accept his help with grace. If a friend offers to bring you dinner while you're ill or clean your bathroom after the birth of your child - say yes.  Some day, when you have some spare time (because you've learned to delegate), you can return the favor.  We aren't meant to function as single entities, but as a community working together.  This wife knew it.  She took full advantage of the help available to her so that she had the time energy left over to be industrious in her work and generous in her support to her husband.

4) She Is Industrious

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

The noble wife finds ways to make the most of her time.  She takes notice of opportunities to make extra income for her family and, most importantly, she is wise with their finances.   This doesn't mean that wives must work outside the home.  It can be quite difficult to balance a true career and keep a home humming.  But she works hard at taking care of the financial aspects of the home.  She doesn't waste her earnings on fancy adornments - rather she invests them in things which will bring a return.  She works late at night to save money by spinning her own wool.  She is thrifty and careful with the resources she has, which leaves room for ventures (and a few serving girls).  I know that personally, I can get so caught up in the idea that I need "make extra money" for the family, that I don't notice all the ways I let the money we already have slip right through my hands.  I buy when I could DIY.  I spend on impulse instead of waiting for sales.  I am a sucker for quantity over quality.  The noble wife carefully examines her spending and her earning and prays about the best way to use the resources she's been given.  I could use a lot more prayer in my financial life, that's for sure.

 

5) She Is Generous

²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy. 

This doesn't need a whole lot of explanation.  When we are generous, we are blessed in turn.  The Proverbs 31 wife knows that sharing of her abundance is both right and wise.   And because she has been industrious and frugal, she has plenty of resources to share.

That's it for this week! Check back next Sunday for the rest of the chapter.

Scripture Sunday: Boundaries

It's time for another Scripture Sunday!  Here is our verse:

Galatians 5:22-23

New International Version (NIV)

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 

 

*emphasis mine

This week I've been thinking a lot about boundaries.  I started reading Boundaries With Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and it started to dawn on me - I did not grow up learning boundaries.  I'm not saying I had no rules.  My parents were very good about setting rules for behavior and about protecting me.  But I didn't grow up with a lot of emotional and relational boundaries.  I didn't grow up having a lot of personal self-control.  Please believe me - I am in no way blaming my parents for my lack of self-control.  Until I started reading this book, I didn't even know these were concepts you could teach.  I just thought "either you're naturally lazy, or naturally focused" - I was always "creative" or a "free thinker" - easily distracted  and prone to giving in to my cravings.  Or I'd be a binger - starving for months, then splurging on too much food or letting my whole house go, then cleaning for days straight.  But I have learned, over the last few weeks, that these are not natural tendencies - not completely.  The book argues that 70% of our inclination toward or against personal boundaries are learned behaviors.  We are often not self-controled because we are not taught at a young age to know the difference between what is really our responsibility and what we need help with -the difference between "help" and "rescue."  The consequences for lack of follow-through aren't stiff enough.  Wow.  You can bet I ran straight to Amazon and ordered the adult Boundaries book.  I have a lot of catching up to do.  (And lots of praying for my kids - I'm a 'rescuer' and not very good at allowing my children to experience natural consequences for their lack of forethought or follow through - but when I do, boy do they learn fast!)

Then I arrived at my women's circle at church this morning.  I've known for months that this week's topic was Self Control.  What I didn't expect was to hear the phrase "Self-control is the mastery of boundaries." Zing!  There it was again.  I've known most of my life that I have trouble with self-control.  I struggle with a vicious cycle of 'trying really hard' to be in control of myself, then failing and giving up with a hopeless "it's just not in my nature."  But that's the thing about spiritual fruit.  They aren't something found deep down inside ourselves that we just have to dig a little deeper to find.  They are seeds that God plants in our lives.  And how do we grow seeds into fruit?  By tending them with care.  By putting in labor and hard work to water and feed them.  How do I grow discipline?  By practicing discipline.  How do I train to run a race?  By going out and running.  Will I always run?  Will I always complete the miles I intend?  No.  But neither would I give up and think "oh, this race is impossible, I didn't get in my run tonight."  So it is with life.  I cannot allow myself the luxury of thinking "oh, I gave in and ate that cookie, I might as well stop trying to be healthy."  But some days that is exactly what I find myself thinking!

The leader this morning gave us a great 5 step plan to growing self-control.  She drew her ideas from Nehemiah 2:12-20.  As the men repaired the city wall, so we can patch the holes in our lives.

1. Find accountability partners - it's much easier to stay on course when others are there to support you.
2. Give yourself an honest self-examination.  Remember that you can't patch character holes that you refuse to admit exist.
3. Admit internal disgrace and self-indulgence.  Take it to the Lord and ask His forgiveness and His aid.
4. Begin repair work.  Set goals, stay focused and have a plan.
5. Give it to God - over and over.  If you have a set-back, remember that it is a set-back not failure. 

I know I have my work cut out for me.  But I have a plan.  I am armed with some good books, a list of scripture, a great accountability partner (hooray for best friends) and a whole sheet of "Exercises in Self-Control."

Step 1 for me is a week long media fast.  As of tonight, I'm shutting off the computer and not turning it on again for a week.  At least, that's the goal.  I know that the internet is a weakness of mine, so I'm testing my spiritual muscles and letting it go for at least 5 days (hopefully 7).  Wish me luck and send me prayers - I'm going to need them!


 

Scripture Sunday: Proverbs 27:7

Welcome to a new weekly feature here on the blog! I'm adding a Scripture Sunday to my lineup!  Deep down, I know how important it is to feed my spirit with The Word.  My day just goes better when I wake up to some verses.  In practice, however, I'm terrible about hitting the snooze button until I'm running so late I barely have time to dress and eat, let alone spend time in scripture and prayer.  I wish I had more self-discipline, but since I don't, I need to cover myself with plenty of accountability.

Enter Scripture Sundays.  I'm attempting a 30 day devotional challenge suggested to us at church (read through Proverbs 1 chapter a day, coordinating chapter # with the date) and I want to start journaling my reading.  So, I'll be jotting down some thoughts on my favorite verse(s) from the week here for you. 

Proverbs 27:7
  One who is full loathes honey from the comb,
    but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.

This is the verse I chose this week.  I'll be totally frank - I've only done my reading three times this week - and this is the only verse that stuck with me.  But boy did it stick with me! 

It's garage sale season around here.  Not only do I love garage sales, but my middle child has become a total garage sale junkie.  He begs and begs to go to one sale after another Thursday-Saturday every weekend.  He's not even 3 but even he gets seduced by the piles of exciting new items waiting to be perused.  And I can't wait to find an amazing deal on something I've been meaning to get forever.  Sometimes, I do actually save money by attending garage sales.  Last summer I spent $20 and filled a HUGE garbage back with clothes in all sizes for my kids. I think I've paid retail on maybe 10 items of kids clothes in the last couple of years (mostly shoes).  It's a great money saver.  On the other hand, I can't even begin to list all the things I've wasted money on at a sale (books I've never read, clothes that didn't fit, toys that were played with once, baskets and boxes and decor that lie around unused).

We have so much stuff in our house - in our lives - that we can't keep track of it all.  We've become slaves to novelty - always wanting something new - and this culture of cheap, disposable items only serves to reinforce this attitude.  A Montesori book I was reading recently really cut me to the quick when it emphasized over and over again the importance of building for your children a very limited collection of high-quality educational toys (and teaching your kids to respect and treat them well), instead of bombarding them continually with scads of flimsy plastic doodads with blinking lights and easily destroyed parts.  Very few of my kids' toys could be described as "high quality."  And their toyboxes are overflowing with all sorts of other "press a button and watch it play by itself" toys that require a continual supply of batteries.  They have so many toys that sometimes they look around at their things and are so overwhelmed that they don't play with anything at all!  I wish I could say this were just a problem with my kids - but how often have I dug through my overflowing closet only to declare that I have nothing to wear?  When was the last time I actually cooked a recipe from my abundant cookbook collection?  How much time have I spent searching for shoes, glasses, utensils, hairbrushes and other odds and ends because they are lost in all the clutter?

My minimalist husband goes mad in our home.  He doesn't understand why we need more than a few pairs of underwear and a bowl and spoon each.  Why so many toys?  Why so many papers?  Why so many rooms to clean?  Wouldn't we enjoy life more if we could clear out the clutter and get back to the basics?  Wouldn't it be nice to spend less time caring for our stuff and more time actually living?  Yes.  Yes it would. 

And as for gratitude.  Why should I expect my child who has "everything" to remember to thank Grandma for the toy he's just received?  Why should I take the extra time to hand wash that special blouse when I have 7 more on the hangar?  An acquaintance recently mentioned that when her kids started high school, she began giving them a clothing allowance with which to purchase their entire wardrobe for the season.  Not only did she notice her children becoming more frugal with their choices and more attracted to the sale-racks, but she said they were overwhelmed with gratitude when they received clothing as a gift! 

This is my new goal for the present.  Cut out the excess, and live gratefully with less.  I'm hoping not only to reign in my purchasing, but to purge some of the excess I've already acquired.  I'm hoping I can apply this concept to my eating as well.  Perhaps I can slowly savor one piece of chocolate instead of making myself sick on 6 pieces.  I hope to eat healthy, nutritious foods 90% of the time, so I truly enjoy the occasional splurges and treats.  And I'm going to redouble my efforts to teach  my children to enjoy (and take care of) the things they have instead of living wastefully and covetously. 

This may seem like such a simple verse, but it has really changed my perspective and I hope it is of some use to you as well!